A Snow-White Room
Winter, falling snowflakes, endless hours spent running, slipping and laughing, hot chocolates too hot to sip. Leafless tress, red ears and noses, slipping into delirium, the snow, winter and all its gifts makes me happy inside; i picture my daring green eyes, on a rosy, happy face smiling, very cheery.
I am now without control of my body leaping, spinning and jumping in all directions, catching snowflakes on my cold, red hands, giggles are pouring out of my mouth, like water out of a tap.
A bunny is in my sight so I make my way to it, leaping all the way and singing My Fair Lady, London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. As I say this my mind is out of my reach locked in an air-tight room, excluding me, its owner, I knock but no one answers. Everything in my vision is slightly blurry, I find myself falling, but I want to fall, I’m letting myself down, everything is at ease my eyelids flutter then fall in standby position. I am concussed.
I awake to playground noises Becca, Sophie and Emma chanting my name; I dash in and out of confusion and settle my mind. My brain has invited me in for tea so I accepted, that would be rude otherwise. Sincere pain has succumbed my head, but am thinking otherwise, matters like where am I?I feel like I was in the same place as before but there’s no telling, I think I’ve been down for a while all my past steps have been blown over, everything’s like before but slightly scarier. The falling snowflakes seem like white, invisible spiders, dancing in the air, the leafless trees are so twisted I feel as if they might grab me in one quick movement and I will be stuck forever, frozen and sad. A new but equally as terrifying thought squeezes into my mind, a thin and brisk whistle is sailing through the air causing goose bumps to rise on my limited bare skin, but that’s the least of my problems…..
I lift myself into an up-right position, steadying myself and counting to three- it helps calm the nerves-I use my scout mind and think clearly choosing the right questions in my mind to answer, the first is where am I?
I configure my answer by retracing my steps, not 4 hours ago was I playing in the snow in the safely of the beginning of the misleading forest, right by my house.
I convinced my parents that I would be alright and if I didn’t like anything I’d come straight home, now I know why they’d worry. I’m lost.
I decide that sitting down an thinking isn’t going to help my problem i head North, my favourite direction, hoping i might get some leverage in my directional mind.
Trudging through in the snow made me feel lonely, me looking back on the little parts I can remember I’ve only ever wanted to be alone, building snowmen, playing computer games, in fact I don’t even like it when people touch me. Although I can’t resist touching/ feeling texturing of leaves nearby, I can’t resist picking up snow for the satisfying feel and look. I can’t help it, what’s worse is that I don’t know why.
Fear spread up and down my spine, wrecking my former train of thought, I feel a warm breath on my neck, I whip around, nothings there, i try to act cool, as if some ones watching me but being judged is only a faint and misty memory.
I try to think of happy things to remove the ridiculous thought of terror, my mum has paranoia, what i just experienced, but i don’t see much of her she lives in a pristine white room with bars on windows and she doesn’t wear shoes, she doesn’t live with me or dad. One time when I went to visit her, she told me I would end up like her, I never have wondered if that’s a good thing or not but judging by the lack social people I’d be happy to go to there. No irritating bullies chanting you name, then rude comments followed by sniggering.
I think about the advert I saw on the television last night…
An old man was standing in front of wrinkled, dry crops, the man himself was showing a lot of skin all his bones were visible and he looked as if he was about to fall down out of hunger, thirst and bad health. He was mumbling something in halting Swahili but the editors for the add had put subtitles down the bottom of the page to translate, a new image appeared it was of a child sitting in the same sort of atmosphere as the former picture, the hot sun beating down on the crackled, dirt ground, the only difference was that this kid was laughing? Why would he need our money if he was having fun being starved and diseased, I told mum about the advert and my opinion and she went on a rage, it was just a question.
Another weird panic wave surges over me and I fall like I did last time, but not just for a while